Hello Satish,
I lovely poem here from you, albeit a sad one.
There is much wisdom in your writing, a sense of self respect and knowledge of your own ability. I like this.
An uneasy blood cascades
in the slender arteries
when you,
that I wanted to touch
disappear into twilight of memory.
^
The way you describe blood as being uneasy is effective. It tells me that the heart it flows from is uneasy, and so the mind is too. The 'slender' part creates a fragility in the body. The way you describe abandonment is good too. Like a whisper lost to rustling leaves, the twilight takes this person away... leaving a cold lonely scene in my mind. Excellent.
Always a sense of bereavement.
why do I care for you?
Time drops like an old coin
in the hands of a drifter.
^
The word 'always' shows that this has happened before. It makes me question is this by one person, or by others? The question is good though, it is the question felt by this reader so pre-empting this is a nice touch. The last two lines is a good metaphor. Giving a drifter money like giving time/ energy/ emotion to a person only for the gratitude to be short lived and the encounter to be brief.
Take away my sleep
I want to wake for the whole night
and recite the unwritten poems.
^
As a kind of forfeit - sleep sacrificed for art, the healing of turning musing into actual words.
Again life had been very kind to me
I am free to face
muse and sorrow.
^
Here the life experience shows. Being blessed with the skills to handle such sadness creates a part inside that always remains in control and calm. This serenity will heal the 'uneasy blood and so the body and mind.
Well done and take care,-Mr Darcy
I lovely poem here from you, albeit a sad one.
There is much wisdom in your writing, a sense of self respect and knowledge of your own ability. I like this.
An uneasy blood cascades
in the slender arteries
when you,
that I wanted to touch
disappear into twilight of memory.
^
The way you describe blood as being uneasy is effective. It tells me that the heart it flows from is uneasy, and so the mind is too. The 'slender' part creates a fragility in the body. The way you describe abandonment is good too. Like a whisper lost to rustling leaves, the twilight takes this person away... leaving a cold lonely scene in my mind. Excellent.
Always a sense of bereavement.
why do I care for you?
Time drops like an old coin
in the hands of a drifter.
^
The word 'always' shows that this has happened before. It makes me question is this by one person, or by others? The question is good though, it is the question felt by this reader so pre-empting this is a nice touch. The last two lines is a good metaphor. Giving a drifter money like giving time/ energy/ emotion to a person only for the gratitude to be short lived and the encounter to be brief.
Take away my sleep
I want to wake for the whole night
and recite the unwritten poems.
^
As a kind of forfeit - sleep sacrificed for art, the healing of turning musing into actual words.
Again life had been very kind to me
I am free to face
muse and sorrow.
^
Here the life experience shows. Being blessed with the skills to handle such sadness creates a part inside that always remains in control and calm. This serenity will heal the 'uneasy blood and so the body and mind.
Well done and take care,-Mr Darcy
