DeWaal

“WHERE HE WAS”
#

Greetings Satish

I have read both your poems and would like to make some comments on this one.

“Meditation was futile.”
This I find an immensely strong beginning to the poem. My reading here is that the speaker in the poem is adept at meditation and is used to the beneficial influence it has on the mind. But even this - meditation - has failed. We read on to discover why meditation was futile.

“He turned his back
from the green prayers”

Syntax: he had been occupied with the green prayers, then he turned his back FROM them. The reader here wonders whether the more conventional “he turned his back ON them” would be more suitable? Or was the poet aiming at another meaning?

The poem proceeds in a stately procession of denials and vicissitudes. The speaker is a heroic figure among landmines and falling stones and in the end we encounter these beautiful lines:

where he was
others were absent

The poem has a dark mood that narrates of suffering and failure, but also of a heroic facing of “the slings and arrows” of misfortune.

I must admit that one line evades me completely. I cannot make sense of “Syntax was rising”.

It is kind of you to share your poetry with us. Thank you.

Regards

De Waal
# satishverma Says:
November 29th, 2007 at 1:23 am e

Dear DeWaal,
I am sorry for the delay in responding as I could read your comments after 3 days due to my various occupational duties. I am intensely impressed by your critical appraisal of my poem. I always appreciate the probe. I must explain your points.
He turned his back.
from the green prayers.
1. Here ‘from’ indicates a difference, indicating separation. ‘On’ shows the contact & support.
2. Syntax was rising – The pain, the black mood starts pouring out the verse, the muse from the extrasensitivity of the poet.

Always

Satish Verma
# DeWaal Says:
December 2nd, 2007 at 8:08 am e

Greetings Satish

My turn to apologise for being tardy in response. I’m happy that you found my critique somewhat useful.

Thank you for the above explanations. I know you realise that your poetry emanates from a different cultural background than the American or European, or for that matter, my own, the South African. Due to these differences, readers from these latter backgrounds may find your poetry difficult to understand.

For instance, I do not understand the significance of “green prayers”.

I have begun to place annotations at the bottom of some of my poems. I find that making possibly abstruse information more readily available to readers, helps them to enjoy the poetry more.

Kind regards

De Waal
# satishverma Says:
December 4th, 2007 at 8:55 am e

Dear De Waal,

Again thanks for the comments. In India majority of them, Hindus worship the green trees. Pray under them, around them, for wishrags, for blessing of a son, for long happy married life, for the safety of the husband etc. Light the earthen lamp to please the deity living in the green plant. Hence the green prayers.

Always

SATISH VERMA
# DeWaal Says:
December 5th, 2007 at 3:45 am e

Hello Satish

Thank you for this explanation.

Here in South Africa I do not worship trees, but I’m very fond of them! My house is surrounded by trees and I have about 120 bonsai trees in the garden. Trees are to me very meaningful. There is possibly not all that much difference between the veneration your people have for trees and the relationship I have with them.

Regards

De Waal

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