Another attractive write. Emotions pouring beautifully. They say words have their way of opening wounds. -DarkLight
Satish, this is a beautiful piece made even smoother with the lovely imagery and descriptions.
Here are my edit suggestions:
I have not asked for much but
still attached to you with subtitles
I wanted freedom from you,
removing stings from the flesh.
^^^
There were a few off flowy parts here and subtitles was typed wrong so I decided to just r-write it.
Anxiety was the darkest color
of floating buds on (A) lake.
Sitting on the edge of panic,
I started counting the waves.
^^^^
(A) is an added word and I feel it's needed.
Mixed emotions always subtract a smile
Just lonely, I went for the swim in rimless agony.
Have not heard much of you in ages.
Still memories crop up for a while.
I wanted nemesis from you.
^^^
in the second line I feel you could take out the 'just' and 'the' I feel should be an 'a'
Also, in the third line 'for a while' is not needed and sets the flow off a little.
Talking of blue and white clouds
love has many moods.
Devastated by a burning moon
I was wishing a watery burial.
^^
This is really good but because you haven't previously spoken of clouds and are just linking it with the sea from the previous stanza I feel it would read better without the word cloud as it seems to be just thrown in there.
These are only my suggestions.
All in all great write,-Em
Here are my edit suggestions:
I have not asked for much but
still attached to you with subtitles
I wanted freedom from you,
removing stings from the flesh.
^^^
There were a few off flowy parts here and subtitles was typed wrong so I decided to just r-write it.
Anxiety was the darkest color
of floating buds on (A) lake.
Sitting on the edge of panic,
I started counting the waves.
^^^^
(A) is an added word and I feel it's needed.
Mixed emotions always subtract a smile
Just lonely, I went for the swim in rimless agony.
Have not heard much of you in ages.
Still memories crop up for a while.
I wanted nemesis from you.
^^^
in the second line I feel you could take out the 'just' and 'the' I feel should be an 'a'
Also, in the third line 'for a while' is not needed and sets the flow off a little.
Talking of blue and white clouds
love has many moods.
Devastated by a burning moon
I was wishing a watery burial.
^^
This is really good but because you haven't previously spoken of clouds and are just linking it with the sea from the previous stanza I feel it would read better without the word cloud as it seems to be just thrown in there.
These are only my suggestions.
All in all great write,-Em
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