The formatting at first has the impression of a haiku, but after reading the lines it's clear that the piece is not. I respect your ambitious formatting, only to me it feels like you were trying to replace something that wasn't there. Moreover, I wish you would instead say "send pink rains" rather than "send the pink rains" because the reader doesn't really know what you specifically mean. By putting it under general terms, the reader may interpret that for themselves.
An excuse to blow out all the candles and (burn) the limbs.
The three lines in stanza #2 are initially seen as separate, but when in putting them together as one straight line their value is more adequately observed - Not to change the structure, but to make sure it's making sense - and when doing so you realize that it's written incorrectly.
It's those little things that compromise a good work's potential.-abstractempo
An excuse to blow out all the candles and (burn) the limbs.
The three lines in stanza #2 are initially seen as separate, but when in putting them together as one straight line their value is more adequately observed - Not to change the structure, but to make sure it's making sense - and when doing so you realize that it's written incorrectly.
It's those little things that compromise a good work's potential.-abstractempo
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