Wowser Of the two up on the marquee right now .. I like this one better due to it reading more powerfully IMO.
Two suggestions ... perhaps changing this:
The hands were busy in mending the walls of psychiatric ward.
to this:
The hands were busy mending the walls of psychiatric wards.
The other suggestion I have is adding an 's' to calendar.
White poison? Made me think immediately of opium poppies .. China White opium poppies to be precise.
scapegoats for slaughter .. loved that! I absolutely adore a word being turned around to fit another scene. Fantastic.- Pen
Two suggestions ... perhaps changing this:
The hands were busy in mending the walls of psychiatric ward.
to this:
The hands were busy mending the walls of psychiatric wards.
The other suggestion I have is adding an 's' to calendar.
White poison? Made me think immediately of opium poppies .. China White opium poppies to be precise.
scapegoats for slaughter .. loved that! I absolutely adore a word being turned around to fit another scene. Fantastic.- Pen
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