Abrupt Awakening!
I have to agree with Pen. "Stripteaser" was jarring for me and interuppted a lovely flow of words and woke me up from a beautiful reverie that this poem engendered for me.- Beatrice Boyle
Satish Verma is ferociously original
Yep devilish concoction there
I have to agree with Pen. "Stripteaser" was jarring for me and interuppted a lovely flow of words and woke me up from a beautiful reverie that this poem engendered for me.- Beatrice Boyle
Satish Verma is ferociously original
Yep devilish concoction there
I can read this as West Pakistan after Shock and Awe took place. Everything going off in different directions....
Reading your Bio I am sure there are many that wish India had not been sectioned. Two brothers and a sister born in India but I suppose nowadays they were born in Pakistan.....
It helps to be very old and part of history itself to truly understand it....
My explanation for why a vast majority are living in Babylon is "inexperience"..... I suppose it just has the edge over Armageddon.
Welcome to the latter stages of the Original Lit.org- Fairplay
I agree with Fairplay
While I believe some minor edits would improve the readability of this poem ... in fact what I think happened is that you edited a bit too aggressively which I find is something I need to do more often. However, I think it's blackberries - I would prefer to see a 'the' placed before 'moon'.
I wonder about using 'oceanic' instead of ocean. deep ocean eyes makes the connection I believe.
I don't know about using the 'stripteaser' in this poem unless you are looking for a less sophisticated moment amongst your pearls. Is there a more appropriate word to use? Of course! There always is.- Pen
Reading your Bio I am sure there are many that wish India had not been sectioned. Two brothers and a sister born in India but I suppose nowadays they were born in Pakistan.....
It helps to be very old and part of history itself to truly understand it....
My explanation for why a vast majority are living in Babylon is "inexperience"..... I suppose it just has the edge over Armageddon.
Welcome to the latter stages of the Original Lit.org- Fairplay
I agree with Fairplay
While I believe some minor edits would improve the readability of this poem ... in fact what I think happened is that you edited a bit too aggressively which I find is something I need to do more often. However, I think it's blackberries - I would prefer to see a 'the' placed before 'moon'.
I wonder about using 'oceanic' instead of ocean. deep ocean eyes makes the connection I believe.
I don't know about using the 'stripteaser' in this poem unless you are looking for a less sophisticated moment amongst your pearls. Is there a more appropriate word to use? Of course! There always is.- Pen
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